Oprah kept a journal about her experience in bringing Beloved to the screen. It was published Oct. 16 1998. A few excerpts:

Tuesday, Jan. 7, 1997 

Called Kate [Forte, executive vice president of Harpo Films, Oprah’s production company] after speaking with Jonathan Demme. He’s coming to dinner Thursday, Jan 9, to discuss the possibility of directing Beloved. Kate said:”Dare we hope that life can be this good?” I dare hope. Beloved. Could this be that after nine years Beloved is moving forward? Nine years of unwavering faith but not being able to interest studios? Could this be? 

Wednesday, Jan. 8. 1997 

Holy God! Jonathan Demme is coming to dinner. What kind of plates should I use? I have two sets of plates. Should I use the white or the ones with the design in the middle? I think I should get new plates. Where shall we eat? Shall we eat in the dining room or the breakfast room? No, let’s make it casual. I.K., let’s serve seafood. Maybe he’s allergic to seafood. Maybe we should check.  

Thursday, Jan. 9, 1997 

He didn’t say yes, but I think yes is coming. Unbelievable. I think this finally could happen.  

Tuesday, June 17, 1997 

The tree [prosthetic scars] went on my back. I wept. Could not but tried to stop myself. Couldn’t. There’s a tree on my back. Felt it. I pray to be able to trust to go all the way there. To feel the depth, power of what it all means.

Thursday, June 10, 1997

We did a read-through with almost all the actors present. Sitting around a table , not in costume; Jonathan asked us not to act, just read the words. And just the words took us to another place. I had trouble finishing my last scene with Danny – “You your best thing” – he was tearing, and I was about to lose it. When we finished, there weren’t many dry eyes in the room. We realized what an incredible journey this is we’re undertaking.  

Monday, June 23, 1997 

I saw Sethe’s house on Bluestone Road for the first time today. Stopped me cold.

Tuesday, June 24, 1997 

Tomorrow is the first day of dialogue. Am I ready? I think so. I bring the force and grace of history  and pain with me, carrying the Ancestors in my hear, hoping, but also knowing, they, too carry me. I’ve been paid for. “Your crown has already been purchased,” Toni [Morrison] says. “now put it on your head and wear it.” I ask God for grace and the power of the spirits whose lives went unnoticed, demeaned and diminished by slavery. Calling on you. Calling on you.  

Tuesday, July 1, 1997 

The moaning was abuzz with talk of a meeting in my trailer. Word was we needed a conference about me looking “too pretty.” This is a first! In all my days I have never been called too pretty or expected this to be a subject of discussion. My teeth are too white. I’m too “luminescent.” I need more sweat. Lord, it is a new day. 

Tuesday, July 8, 1997 

I am terrible insecure about my acting – it’s not something I do often enough to know I do well. Jonathan has been so helpful and encouraging, every day, every scene…He says my nuances are terrific. He says I have a gift. I’m not certain. But I’m grateful he believes I do. 

Tuesday, July 15, 1997 

Danny says to me, as they are resetting lights, he’s never done a stage kiss before. Ah, I think, neither have I. Then I realize – after he says, “No, I do the real thing” – what he means. Oh boy, what’s worse than a wreck, because that’s what I turned into…

By the end of the day, I’d surprised myself. After my initial fears, and the first take, I was able to let Sethe take over. And she had a great time! Can’t wait to do it again.

Thursday, July 24, 1997  

I’m trying to get over my self-doubts. I must understand that J.D. is right: whatever I’m doing, right or wrong, I must remember that a movie is a movie, and a book is something different.

Thursday, August 7, 1997 

This was a revelatory scene for me. I realized I had no place to go to conjure up feelings of the unconditional love a mother has for her daughter. I couldn’t fathom what that would feel like. Sethe tucks in her daughters – the simplest of acts. J.D. commented that I was handling the pillows like rocks. He said, “You know what it feels like to be tucked in bed by your mother.” I realized: I have never had that experience. And never imagined it until this moment. Pretty amazing.

Sunday, August 17, 1997 

I had to pep talk with myself. I was staring to feel gloomy about having only three weeks left. I decided sadness, in this case, is a choice. So I choose to celebrate each day instead.

Tuesday, August 19, 1997 

I needed to go to Chicago to have a meeting with my staff to focus on the new season. We’re going to be in trouble: we’re out of reruns. And I’m still here! I have to be here until mid-September. My staff is feeling pressure. I’m feeling pressure and torn. I so needed to focus only on this film, and now the reality of my dual life sets in.

J.D. heard about my plans to go to Chicago on my one day off, and he had a conversation with me which kept me in Philadelphia. Wise decision. He thought Chicago would cange my focus and zap my energy. He’s so right.

Wednesday, September 3, 1997 

Funny how putting on a corset and bloomers can totally remove you from the hype of the world. I’m just barefoot on Bluestone Road. Haven’t turned on a TV or read a newspaper. Feels like another world. Before I started this movie, I felt strongly that I could end the [TV] show. I’ve surprised myself with the revelation to go on and see what the end will be. Now I believe this movie and the preparation for this movie have given me the strength and insight to continue. Strange how I thought, and so many others around me thought, this experience would make me want to do more movies. I know, and I think all of us feel, that a movie and experience like this one is a gift. You’re blessed to get one in a lifetime.

Friday, September 12, 1997 

It’s a bittersweet time. My final day of shooting in the summer of my dreams. A dream bigger than anything my heart can ever hold. It will be a long time before I can take it all in. I can honestly say I embraced every moment. I did it my way, I have no regrets.

Wednesday, October 8, 1997 

My greatest fear has been whether or not I could cry on cue. For the “Beloved left me. She’s gone” scene, Jonathan freed me early on by saying, “You don’t have to cry.” He freed me, so I cried during almost every take.

Saturday, October 11, 1997 

Home. Chicago. Done. Relieved. Happy. This part is done (except for the winter scenes in December). The whole thing is so incredible. I dare not take it in all at once…

I’m glad to be home. Alone. Glad to be Home.